This weekend my fiance, housemate and I took a trip to the Allington Farm Shop (https://www.allingtonfarmshop.co.uk/) to take a look at some other food options and things to try. This is probably my favourite farm shop in north wiltshire. They have a huge selection of products, including a butchers and fresh produce, definitely on the pricey side but it’s usually worth the cost. The have a cafe too however I’m yet to try it, but their menu looks nice and it’s always busy which is probably a good sign (I’m sure I’ll try it one of these days!).

The very first thing I did had absolutely nothing to do with healthy eating and trying new foods… I picked up a donut! If this was a place I could afford to shop at on a regular basis I’d probably have been a bit more sensible, but these particular donuts I had been looking at for about a year so I decided it was finally time to give one a go. I had no regrets with this one when I got home. It was a fairly plain looking filled donut, but filled with chocolate mousse instead of jam, with a light dusting of cocoa powder over the traditional sugared outside. It was the best donut I’ve had in a long time, and I’m quite glad I don’t go there too often as I’d probably derail myself from trying to be healthy! 10/10 for taste, 0/10 for my healthy eating!

Next I moved onto the fruit and veg section to actually do what I went there for in the first place. Unfortunately I think I picked the wrong day for this; I was there on a sunday morning and I suspect they had sold a lot the day before as the choice was a bit limited. From the veg section I picked out a yellow courgette, in the past this is a vegetable that I’ve hated but my fiance assured me he has a nice way to cook it (I picked a yellow one instead of the normal green ones as it looked a little bit less intimidating). I was hoping to get some leafy veg too, but it looked a bit wilted and I suspect the good stuff had been bought on saturday. I was also hoping to get a nice looking apple from the fruit section but the variety I wanted only had a handful of bruised ones left, they did have other varieties but I realised they were the same ones the supermarket sell so I decided to save that for another day. I did however pick up a nice looking grapefruit! I don’t recall every trying fresh grapefruit before so this was probably a better choice anyway. I also picked up a very small portion of frozen cherries from this section. I wouldn’t usually buy the frozen items here, but they’re sold loose so I was able to get a tasting portion rather than committing to buying a whole bag at our normal shop.

I tried the grapefruit pretty much as soon as I got home. I did what my housemate suggested and cut it in half and sprinkled a little bit of sugar on it. I have to say I don’t think I was a fan. I think this is one of the foods I would be happy enough eating if it was part of a dish, but I’m unlikely to eat on its own again. I also found it incredibly difficult to eat! it was so juicy I found myself accidentally spraying bits all over the table. I had to laugh at myself as in that moment I definitely felt like a child trying food for the first time, making a proper mess of it! I persevered and finished half of it, but the second half I let my housemate finish.

Next we went into the butchers. They have so many delicious looking meats and fresh pies, quiches, scotch eggs and more, but I had to remember why I was there. I looked at some of their lamb items, but I felt like that was a step too far at the moment. Lamb is one of those meats that I haven’t touched since I was 18 (and the day I did that, I almost threw it up again). I’m known for absolutely hating it so I’ll save that for another day. I did however spot a counter in the corner with different speciality meats. I found Jamaican Jerk goat burgers, and buffalo burgers. I haven’t tried either of those meats before, so after checking if my housemate would eat them just incase I don’t I picked up a packet of each. It feels much easier to try a food I’ve never considered before than it is to try something I think I don’t like. The fact they’re burgers also makes it easier as a burger is familiar, even if the meat they’re made from isn’t.

After the butchers we had a browse around the rest of the shop. they have a huge amount of sauces and preserves, as well as things like speciality flours, pastas and alcohol. As much all of those things looked amazing, they aren’t really what I’m aiming for at the moment, but I’m sure I’ll be back again in the future.

The very last thing we did is pop back to the freezer and pick up a small pot of dog ice cream. With Gracie being such a small breed we don’t often give her food treats, so the opportunity for dog ice cream once or twice a year is usually taken!

I didn’t really know what to do for dinner today (18th July) so it ended up being a bit of an odd mix.

Sweet Potato

I think i had had this before, but i don’t recall ever cooking it myself. I picked one up in the shop as i needed to choose a new vegetable fairly quickly. I decided just to bake it like a jacket potato and see what happens. I definitely over-cooked it, but it wasn’t too bad. I had half of it (my housemate eating the other half). I was surprised that the tastiest bit of it was the skin, and I’ve just realised as I’m writing this that it didn’t require any butter. I certainly wouldn’t have eaten a plain baked potato without butter so that is definitely a plus for that.

Potato Salad

I knew I would like this as I’ve made it many times before. Some boiled new potatoes, chopped up in a bowl with salt, pepper, chives and some light mayo. The one thing I did differently was a lot less mayo, even using the light mayo it’s surprising how quickly the calories can mount up. It was definitely a success and I’ll make sure to use less mayo going forwards.

Mixed Salad Leaves & Dressing

I chose the same salad leaves and honey & mustard dressing as yesterday, and they’re definitely going to be a good option going forwards. Next time I buy a salad dressing I’ll probably try a different one just to see what else is out there.

Chicken Sausages

Sausages have always been one of my safe foods, but I’m all too aware of the fat levels and the high calories that come with them. I decided to try Heck’s plain chicken sausages and I was pleasantly surprised! 15 years ago I think sausage alternatives were generally pretty dry and tasteless, but I’m glad I’ve found these. They were nice and juicy and tasted good. They don’t quite measure up to a proper butchers sausage, but for the sake of health I could happily swap to these most of the time, I’ll be buying these again! (and trying some more Heck varieties)

Beetroot & Feta

After the success of my salad i decided to pre-chop my beetroot and feta so it was there and ready to grab, and while this was still nice it did lose a bit of its freshness. In the future I won’t prep it before hand and just do it on my plate. either way this was still nice and worked well with everything else.

Honey-Glazed Carrots

This is one of the foods I was more sceptical about. Carrots were always the vegetable that as a child I was told “eat your carrots, you like them!”, but I didn’t! I think I tolerated them at best. Over the years I have eaten carrots when they’re part of a bigger dish like a stew, but I rarely choose them. I decided to get some of the Chantenay carrots and roast them with some salt, pepper, garlic and a drizzle of honey. They tasted ok and my fiance loved them, but I’m not sure if I would choose them. Having said that I would definitely eat them if someone else put them in front of me, so I guess that’s a small win!

This was definitely an odd mix for dinner and probably too big a portion, but a week ago the only thing on that list I would have even attempted to eat was the potato salad, so another win overall!

After my beetroot discovery I decided to give a full salad a go. I was a bit worried about it, but I had a quiche in the fridge so I cut a slice of that to go with it as a bit of a safety net. If you’ve read my previous post you’ll know that this is a huge step for me, I had to remind myself that the absolute worst case scenario is that I don’t like it, and put it back in the fridge for someone else to eat (my fiancé and housemate are both happy to finish up anything I don’t like instead of wasting food).

On my plate I had: beetroot, cucumber, feta cheese, mixed salad leaves, honey & mustard salad dressing, cheddar cheese, ham, a light baby bel and the safety quiche. Once I had put it all together I realised I had way too much cheese for this to be classed as a healthy meal, but feta was new to me and I had no idea if I would like it. The salad dressing was also new to me so this meal definitely felt like stepping into the unknown. As I wasn’t cooking for anyone else that night I decided to take it up to my room to eat at my desk rather than sitting in silence in the living room.

I started by eating a bit of the beetroot with some of the salad leaves, the dressing was tangy but not too strong. This was the point I realised I love beetroot! I kept going trying to add in some bits of ham and cucumber and it was no surprise to me that I liked that too. Next came the feta, I’d read that it goes well with beetroot so I tried them together, and I loved it! I was halfway through my plate of food before I realised I hadn’t even thought of touching the quiche as I was enjoying the rest of it so much. It was at this point that my fiancé walked in and asked how it was going, so I told him how much I was enjoying it. He then said something along the lines of (I cant remember word for word after the effect it had!) “I’m so glad you like feta, I’m so proud of you for trying new things” and I burst into tears.

Happy tears for overcoming something that’s been so hard for so many years. There’s been so many times in my adult life where my eating habits have caused anxiety. Every time there’s a family gathering with food I’m filled with dread at the prospect of trying to eat enough that I don’t seem rude, while also trying not to eat anything I don’t like. Upon reflection i wonder if there was also some sadness at the fact I struggled for such a long time.

It took me a bit of time to wipe the tears away so I could finish my dinner, with my dog attempting to climb on me when she realised i was crying (she’s a pug x shih zu called Gracie, brilliant at emotional smarts and pizza eating, rubbish at fetch, swimming or any other normal dog-related activities!). The quiche was the last bit of the meal i ate, and next time i probably wont put it on the plate at all. I also probably wouldn’t bother with the cheddar cheese and instead opt for a sensible amount of feta.

Another food success and I’m looking forward to the next!

Beetroot has always been one of those foods I found particularly offensive. I’d see my parents eating it when I was little and the smell was repulsive. It smelt incredibly strong, and the thought of all that juice touching my other food filled me with dread. It was one of my mums go-to vegetables when she wanted to have salad for dinner. It was one of many things that disgusted me when presented with your classic 80’s style salad. For an outsider looking in, they’d probably wonder what on earth the fuss was about? The living room table would be filled with everything you’d expect for the time: Cheddar cheese, ham, lettuce, beetroot, cucumber, raw celery, tomatoes, beetroot, picallili and a jar of helmands mayonnaise. On some occasions there was also a quiche, pork pies, boiled eggs, coleslaw and pickled onions, but that was a treat and certainly not every time.

As a child this was an incredibly challenging dinner, and i would often end up feeling like i hadn’t really had my evening meal. Out of that first list without the extra bits, i would happily eat ham, cucumber was OK in small amounts or in a cheese sandwich, and cheddar cheese (but not if it was a strong cheddar). So my plate looked very empty. I would also eat quiche, pork pies and boiled eggs, but they weren’t always an option on those nights. So as you can probably tell, there wasn’t much salad on my plate for a meal that was supposed to be salad! I was always told to try a bit of everything and mix it all together, but i don’t think you’ll find a child on this planet who would willingly try a whole plate full of foods that you think you hate, all mixed up together!

On Tuesday (15th July), I chose beetroot. I realised that despite my disgust at it over the years, it was one of the foods that i had never tried and genuinely had no idea what it was supposed to taste like. When I was shopping for it I made sure to check that I’d bought a packet that was just cooked beetroot, not pickled or cooked with any extra ingredients, just plain beetroot. As I was cooking dinner I could feel myself getting very anxious about trying it, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I decided the best thing to do was to cook a meal I know I liked, and just place the beetroot on the table as an option, no pressure and no chance of it contaminating the rest of my food. I sat down at the table with that classic pairing of chicken nuggets and chips to go with my new food, and after a few bites of nuggets and chips, I decided I should at least give it a go. I carefully pushed my food to the other side of the plate leaving a large space for a single, tiny, beetroot (I took the smallest one in the packet). I cut of a small piece and took a bite.

I don’t know what I thought it would taste like but I thought it would be incredibly strong, whatever that flavour was supposed to be. I was pleasantly surprised but the mild flavour, a stark contrast to my expectations. The texture was like nothing I’d experienced, I think the best way I can describe it is like a cold, juicy and soft potato, but firm enough to hold itself together. Slightly sweet, but not as sweet as carrots. I realised pretty quickly that a little bit of salt goes a long way, so I added a little and tried again. For the first time I finally understand what people mean when they describe a flavour as “earthy”. I definitely feel like a child who’s trying solid food for the first time. Instead of my instant reaction of “no that’s wrong and I don’t like it”, I made myself sit with it and really think about it. What did I think about it? What am I tasting? Do I actually dislike it or is it just new? And before I knew it id finished the whole beetroot! I carried on with my nuggets and chips, contemplating what I’d just experienced. I’ve read enough about picky eating at this point that I know I cant just try it once, so I went in for round two and picked the next smallest beetroot in the packet. This time I tried it with a bit of nugget too, and it was OK! I surprised myself by managing to finish both small beetroots and feeling pretty good about it, even if I wasn’t sure yet if I actually liked it.

For as long as I can remember I’ve been overweight, as has the rest of my family. Until fairly recently I just assumed it was due to a mixture of childhood trauma and mental health issues that led me to comfort eat, an general bad habits learnt from my parents, however this week (thanks to a good old dose of continuing therapy) I came to realise just how complicated my situation really is.

As my page name suggests, I am an incredibly picky eater. I didn’t know i was picky until about 10 years ago when I moved in with my fiancé (we were totally just friends, even if everyone else said otherwise!). He very quickly picked up on how many times i would outright refuse foods and often react with disgust at anything that i wasn’t used to. You’re probably wondering how i got into my 20’s without realising how picky i was, and i think the answer is lack of exposure.

From my early teens my family fell into a routine of the same few recipes cycling round for dinner, typically things like Bolognese, Sausage & Mash, Roast dinners (although id only really eat it if it was chicken, and veg was a fight) and similar ingredients presented in slightly different ways. On the days where that wasn’t happening it was either the typical Friday night Fish & Chips (I’d rarely eat fish, opting for a battered sausage or chicken nuggets), or it was what my mum called a “do it yourself” night. I don’t want to sit here and blame my mum for everything (I’m sure she had her own battles going on at the time), however i can now see how problematic those nights were. On these nights my brother and i knew to just dig something out of the freezer and chuck it in the oven, often with no guidance in regards to portion control and nutrition – if it fit on the tray in the oven, it was a portion. As i got older i was also allowed to cook properly, but generally the only things id learnt to cook were either incredibly unhealthy, or were fairly healthy meals but completely the wrong portion size (any healthy meal can become unhealthy if you’re eating enough to feed 2-3 people).

Now if that wasn’t enough to set me up for a challenging relationship with food, I now realise that I’ve got a healthy dose of comfort eating thrown in due to childhood sexual abuse that resulted in Complex PTSD. I spent a long time in a place where I wasn’t safe, so I subconsciously started doing a lot of behaviours to try and protect myself. My food was safe as long as I stuck to the things I knew and didn’t take food from people I felt weren’t safe. Pre-packaged food was safe as long as no one had opened it. I also strongly suspect I’m on the autism spectrum, I found it incredibly interesting that my brother came to the same conclusion about himself separately. My running theory is that actually my whole family is, and as a result we never noticed anything that didn’t seem “normal” because for us, it was.

There are so many foods that I just don’t eat and for a long time its just been a fact that doesn’t change, but this week I finally asked myself, why? The answer truly surprised me because for probably around 80% of the foods, it’s that I don’t know what they taste like! so it’s not that I don’t like them, it’s that I don’t know if I like them or not. So I’ve started a mission to actively try new foods and ignoring my preconceptions of what they might be like, and for foods I think I know I don’t like, I’m going to try them again anyway! I’m hoping to end up with more healthier options for food so I stop relying on the same old things that have led me to this point.